What I learned from a Dominatrix

Mistress Dior with Client (Photo credit: Christian Espinoza)

Torture, Pain, and Bondage. This is what most uninitiated (vanilla) folks might think when they hear the words ‘Dominatrix’, or ‘BDSM’. I was not exempt from this, so when I made the first phone call to Mistress Dior I was sweating.

It was 2011 and I was on assignment from Metro Magazine to shoot a double page spread for their April ‘Sex Issue’. I was given creative freedom by the editor to pursue a story of interest to me, but I had no idea I was going to stumble upon this. One of my all time favorite movies is Tarantino’s Pulp Fiction – the entire 2hr and 34min left a sizable dent in my impressionable 12 year old mind on first viewing, however one scene I have never forgotten is the one when they ‘Bring out of The Gimp‘. So I did some searching online and found a link to Mistress Dior and her Dungeon. Which brings us back to my phone call. I left a voicemail (you can imagine how awkward that was). But she called me back, and we made a time to meet. What ensued was more than I bargained for…

Not only did I get a tour of the dungeon, I was privileged enough to sit in on a client session and take photos. I was a fly on the wall, and after a while they didn’t even notice I was there. Nothing was staged. It was raw and intense. This was unlike any other experience I had had to date, and I was just behind the camera ! However, I witnessed something that day which changed me profoundly. I expected to see torture, pain, and bondage, and while I definitely got that, I also observed something deeper between these two people: Trust. A trust that went beyond anything I had ever experienced at the time. This was almost maternal, beyond sexual. I mean it was the key to this whole experience. Without the underlying trust and respect between Dom and Sub, the rest of the power play would have been empty and useless.

Trust your partner, and allow them to trust you back. Open communication and curiosity is the gateway to pleasure… and/ or pain.

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