The Final Post

Karangahape Rd, Auckland 2019 (Photo Credit: Christian Espinoza)

Thank you.

For the past four and a half months, you’ve read my ramblings as I etched my thoughts on here, one post at a time.

Looking back at them I see this has been a practice in sharing and reflecting, which developed into a daily ritual. Posting the blog created structure amongst the empty space I was in. It was a voice I didn’t know I had.

Now I feel it is time to say goodbye. I am grateful for anyone who read my blog, took away from it, and I can say I enjoyed every minute of it.

Go well and kill it in the game 🙂

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.”

– Albert Einstein


Parnell French Market, Auckland NZ 2012 (Photo Credit: Christian Espinoza)

From time to time we all just want some treats.

You can only tempt so much before we feel that we have earned the prize.

If you create an expectation of a reward, a build up, then you should be prepared to deliver. When this does not happen we lose trust.

The reward should exceed expectations. It should shout from the rooftops “Here I am!” in a way that you would never have expected.

It often doesn’t take much to give, and you will gain the hearts and minds of all that receive it.

Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.”

– Og Mandino

We are Infinitely Small

Night over Doha, Qatar 2018 (photo credit: Christian Espinoza)

Discover the world.

Take chances, take risks.

Follow your instinct, trust yourself.

Create the environment for you to flourish.

Invite others to collaborate with you.

Laugh more and spend more time with friends.

Make time just for yourself.

All things you can find on a Hallmark greeting card, but maybe it’s all true. Try it and find out for yourself, and see if you’re life becomes more rewarding.


Auckland City 2010 (photo credit: Christian Espinoza)

Our inherent need to feel closer to one another in a physical and spiritual sense is what connects us.

The fundamental nature of being human is longing for social acceptance and feeling connected to a tribe, to belong, to be understood and to understand our own identity through the other.

When our connections are broken they cause us great pain, unrest and anxiety. From social connections through physical birth, our nature is perpetually intertwined in the connections we have to others.

The world is open planned, open sourced, socially connected, although some of us live in mental isolation and fear from our own insecurities and doubt. We move forward through the exploration of ourselves.

Learn to love, trust and allow others into our lives despite the potential for that connection to be broken.

Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

– Alfred Lord Tennyson

What I learned from a Dominatrix

Mistress Dior with Client (Photo credit: Christian Espinoza)

Torture, Pain, and Bondage. This is what most uninitiated (vanilla) folks might think when they hear the words ‘Dominatrix’, or ‘BDSM’. I was not exempt from this, so when I made the first phone call to Mistress Dior I was sweating.

It was 2011 and I was on assignment from Metro Magazine to shoot a double page spread for their April ‘Sex Issue’. I was given creative freedom by the editor to pursue a story of interest to me, but I had no idea I was going to stumble upon this. One of my all time favorite movies is Tarantino’s Pulp Fiction – the entire 2hr and 34min left a sizable dent in my impressionable 12 year old mind on first viewing, however one scene I have never forgotten is the one when they ‘Bring out of The Gimp‘. So I did some searching online and found a link to Mistress Dior and her Dungeon. Which brings us back to my phone call. I left a voicemail (you can imagine how awkward that was). But she called me back, and we made a time to meet. What ensued was more than I bargained for…

Not only did I get a tour of the dungeon, I was privileged enough to sit in on a client session and take photos. I was a fly on the wall, and after a while they didn’t even notice I was there. Nothing was staged. It was raw and intense. This was unlike any other experience I had had to date, and I was just behind the camera ! However, I witnessed something that day which changed me profoundly. I expected to see torture, pain, and bondage, and while I definitely got that, I also observed something deeper between these two people: Trust. A trust that went beyond anything I had ever experienced at the time. This was almost maternal, beyond sexual. I mean it was the key to this whole experience. Without the underlying trust and respect between Dom and Sub, the rest of the power play would have been empty and useless.

Trust your partner, and allow them to trust you back. Open communication and curiosity is the gateway to pleasure… and/ or pain.